whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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