I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Randomize
