I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
