No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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