She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
my poor anus
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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