she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize