I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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