went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
