I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize