she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
