She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
