I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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