I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
