I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
