Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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