Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
