Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dear god my vagina.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
