I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
