My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
In America we eat man semen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
i've created a new STD.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
