I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
