Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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