'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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