Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
