This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
