VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
