Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
