he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
