Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
