Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
These tits shall not be calmed
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