Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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