I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
