he thought i was a dude.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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