TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
