It's Friday. Sex?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize