I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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