wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
