i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
