I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
