Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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