I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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