Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Randomize
