Please don't use social media to get back at me.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
