my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
