She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
love makes seman taste better
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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