I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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