would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
