She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
