my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
