Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Who died my cat blue again?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
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