good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
