i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
