im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
