in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
is wine microwaveable?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
