People in love make me want to vomit
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize