wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
