ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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