Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
