I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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