i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize