So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
