Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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