If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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