my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
operation have a gay friend backfired
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You are the jesus of drinking
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
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