all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
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