I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
