i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
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