I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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