So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
