We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
