You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
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