I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You left your phone here
Wait...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
