the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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