i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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