Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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