Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
