Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
